2019-10-10 - I just need a place to put down my thoughts as they arise. This is a very complicated and irritating source of negativity in my life.
This is a continuous cycle. It is kind of maddening. I am alone a lot. I eat during the day and before bed. My daytime eating is in control 5 out of 7 days. The other two days I just tend to eat “too much” but it really isn’t crazy compared to someone who eats in a restaurant for lunch. I do not like being too full so this helps overeating. The evenings, I am getting much better at “how little can I eat to feel OK but not go overboard”.
I am slowly, slowly improving. But I am improving much slower than my body is getting worse at dealing with what I eat. My metabolism is slow, I don’t have time to exercise (sure, I do, it’s complicated). And so on.
It seems like I just need to say “no” to myself. But I think if I want to be successful in that I need something to replace food. And there’s not a lot of stuff in my life where I can say “hey, yes, I’ll treat myself to a movie every Friday night if I lost weight that week” or “I will get myself this nifty thing for my non-existent hobby with my non-existent money”. I just have to say “no” to myself.
That’s really it.